What are beliefs and how do they affect your life?

When I was growing up, as a child, I was exposed to many ideas, actions, behaviors and experiences. The most important of those were ones that I heard over and over and saw over and over in peoples' behavior around me. I started believing things such as "Men are not emotional", "Women must behave a certain way", "I must be a good student", "I must respect authority", "I must be loyal to my family, culture and religion, no matter what", "I must be nice to people", "I must be loving", "I must be a great host", so on and so forth. Over time, I accumulated a whole lot of beliefs, some that were good, many that were not so good and some that were downright damaging and dangerous. These beliefs became a big part of how I thought, behaved and lived my life as a whole.

However, there came a point in my life, when many of my beliefs were challenged. This happened when I moved to Canada from Pakistan in my late teens, a country very far and different from the one I was about to step into. I started noticing that many of the beliefs that I held to be true were completely the opposite in this part of the world. For example, I was taught since childhood to respect my teachers by not challenging what they say in any way. When I started attending school in Canada, I started to notice students constantly challenging the teachers, some in positive ways (which I learned was positive later) and others in very negative ways.

To make things even more challenging, living in Toronto, Canada, I was exposed to people from other cultural backgrounds that came with their own set of beliefs and behaviors even more different; neither Western nor what I grew up with. One belief after another, I was forced to see that not everything that I was taught was valid and on top of that, I had no idea how to differentiate what was true from what was false. After many years of suffering, at the thought of not understanding my own reality, I finally made a decision to understand where my beliefs came from, what they meant, and whether they were true and/or beneficial in my life.

So then, what did I learn? I learned that beliefs are at the core of how we see ourselves and our environment. Beliefs are thoughts, ideas and ways of living that we have accepted to be true in our minds for a prolonged period of time, and the longer we hold onto a belief as true and the more emotional energy we attach to those beliefs, the more powerful they become in directing the course of our lives. For example, if we have been taught over and over that the world is a dangerous place, by protective parents and our environment or we have had one or two experiences with dangerous situations (reinforced by our lack of knowledge or experience) or a combination of the two, then it becomes part of our belief system. So what does this mean? This means that by accepting an arbitrary idea to be true we make it a very important aspect of our life which then holds a strong emotional energy within us.

Slowly but surely an idea or thought over time moves into our subconscious mind. As we have learned from neuroscience, psychology and from observing peoples' behavior in terms of their habits, most of our thoughts and behaviors are processed subconsciously. For instance, when we are learning to drive, we have to be very aware of everything from the way the car moves, to the way we are sitting, to our surroundings. Eventually, this awareness goes into our subconscious mind, which can not only process it faster, but is able to do all of the learned actions without our complete conscious awareness. In the same manner, if we believe an idea to be true, for an extended period of time, the idea moves into our subconscious. So the subconscious mind is able to process the idea that "The world is a dangerous place", which initially took time to learn, a lot faster and without our complete conscious awareness. So, just as we stop becoming completely aware of the way we are driving, we stop being completely aware of our actions in relation to the belief “The world is a dangerous place”. This means that the belief "The world is a dangerous place” keeps showing up in our thoughts and in our actions without our conscious awareness.

You might have heard or read the quote attributed to Gandhi or Lao Tzu “Your beliefs become your thoughts, your thoughts become your words, your words become your actions, your actions become your habits, your habits become your character, and your character becomes your destiny”. This quote is probably one of the most important and true statements in summarizing how our mind works in terms of habit because our habits are based on subconscious processes which have a great deal to do with our beliefs that operate in our lives through our subconscious mind.

So then, what do we do with beliefs? When I exhausted every kind of escape mechanism I had inside of me, to avoid the pain of facing my beliefs that were being challenged, I made a decision to face my beliefs. I made this decision because in order to see what was true and more importantly what was true for me, I had to question my beliefs and where they came from without a need to reject or accept them. It was a sort of rediscovery or relearning of what I already knew from a different vantage point. When I made the decision to question my beliefs, the pain started to subside and what came about was a child-like curiosity to learn more! This became my Aha moment. When I started to become open to learning, to different perspectives, to new experiences, over time, I started to see clearly what kind of beliefs were holding me back and what kind of beliefs were benefiting me and what kind of beliefs held true for me. So I went on a journey to question everything that I knew to be true, and I can tell you that I am still on that journey of self-discovery, adventure and learning; as we all are naturally, if we allow our natural Self to do what it does best which is to learn and experience or experience and learn. 

So here is my challenge to you. I want you to do these 3 things from now on:

1)  Learn to become aware of your thoughts and actions; specifically thoughts and actions that are part of your habits. Habitual thoughts from "I am a Man, and I must be a certain way or I am a woman, I must behave a certain way" to "Rich people are crooks" to "I must go to the doctor to get better" to having habits that make you want to be really nice to everyone for no apparent reason to getting angry at things that might seem irrational to you or to others to any other habitual thoughts and actions that are part of your personality. I will also be exploring different strategies on how to become more aware of your thoughts and actions in future articles. 

2) When you become aware of your thoughts and actions, start asking yourself “where does this thought or action come from?” and “why is it true and important for me? 

When you start to question your thoughts and actions in relation to your habits, you will start to move towards finding out why they are important to you and whether or not the beliefs you hold are true or beneficial to your life.

3) Become open to learning. Before learning something new, either from another person, a book, a documentary or an experience, put aside your beliefs (when you become aware of your thoughts and actions, it will be easy to place a pause button on your beliefs) and really listen to and understand new perspectives without the biased input from your beliefs that might or might not be true.

When you do these three things, you will become open to learning and to a bigger perspective than you had before. Your mind will have more to work with. You will become conscious of your thoughts and actions and you will start to take responsibility for your life. When you take full responsibility for your thoughts, actions and habits, you will start to see the power that you have within yourself - The power of knowledge, action and choice. The power to direct your life based on your conscious awareness.

It is my promise to you that when you apply these concepts in your life, on a consistent basis, you will start to see yourself and your world change for the better. 

These exercises and concepts come with a warning label. When facing your beliefs – you might be facing some of the most painful aspects of yourself. They might make you completely uncomfortable, unsure, unclear and hopeless in life but only in the beginning. Over time, if you are open to learning and possibilities, you will start to make sense of yourself and your life, but this time, it will be something that you came up with yourself and not something that you were conditioned to believe without your complete understanding or awareness.

To learn more about how your beliefs affect you and your life, click on the following link to watch a powerful training video that I did with Adam Dare (Entrepreneur, Fitness expert, Life coach) Own Your Fitness

www.faisalensaun.com/blog/beliefs-and-belief-systems

In this training video with Adam dare, you will learn:

- How you developed the beliefs that you have.

- How do your beliefs affect your life

- How can you deal with limiting beliefs

- How to raise your awareness to see past your limiting beliefs.

from the perspective of health/fitness and life.

Here is the link again:

www.faisalensaun.com/blog/beliefs-and-belief-systems

At which point in your life, did the child self die, and the adult self was born?

When i consider my life, from the time that i can remember. I do not have the memory of the child that i was, that ceased to exist and the adult that i am, was born, and I suspect this is the case with you as well. So then, it is interesting to see how our life, in the present, is shaped by a title that is given to us. We are categorized as adults after a certain arbitrary age, at which point ,it is apparently more important to be "responsible" by society's standards than to be ourselves. So, what does being "responsible" generally mean? Well, If you are like most adults. It means that you must learn a trade or a skill, find a meaningless and redundant job, create a family, buy a bunch of stuff (you must do these things , whether you like it or not) and sit with the rest of the responsible adults, whose lives have become a duplicate of each other based on an expectation placed on them by society?

Amidst this confusion, that is accepted by most, what happened to the child that never died? Let's ask what that child was and what aspect of us did we actually suppress when we started to believe what we should be, based on someone else's definition of us.

Well, lets see. The child in us was a being full of potential and uniqueness, who lived in the present, enjoyed life fully, was very curious about new experiences and knowledge. That child was immensely and spontaneously creative and he/she took every opportunity to make connections with anyone and anything that came on his/her path.

So, if we can not remember that aspect of us dying, then what happened to it? How did we go from being a unique creature of potential, happiness, adventure, and creative expression, to an adult that seems to sacrifice all those things for a way of life determined for him or her?

It would not be such a travesty, if the adult that many have become, fully enjoyed and appreciated life for what it is, but for many, that is not the case. Therefore, it is a question that we need to ask, not only because we have forgotten the true nature of ourselves, but also because the more we learn about happiness, the more it becomes clear that, happiness comes from novelty, adventure, creative expression, connection, being in the present and most of all, being and expressing our unique self!

Take a moment, and ask yourself, what aspects of you, did you leave behind when you became an "adult" ? and can you remember that Self that was  immensely curious, adventurous, creative, present, happy and unique?

Where did we go wrong with human nature?

Since i can remember as a child, i have seen problems such as racism, intolerance, cruelty and lack of empathy or sympathy between people of every cultural background and religious affiliations that I have come across. In the meantime, i have also witnessed within the same people; love, compassion and care for each other and others. It never made sense to me how perfectly kind and honest people, in certain situations, would act in a complete selfish and cruel manner. I have tried to find the reasons within religious beliefs, however the two common patterns that i have found in the institutional versions of many religions have been that humans are by nature greedy, intolerant and competitive, therefore the only way these negative qualities can be fixed is if the religion in question is accepted and followed. Many of the religions that people currently follow accept this as a given truth. The same theme comes up when you go into mainstream philosophy, where the solution to human problems are to basically rectify our essential nature of being greedy and competitive. Then came the relatively newer perspective of science, which in one way or another promoted the same thing.Consequently, we have created legal structures that reflect these beliefs. Mainly, assuming that unless controlled by force, one way or another, humans will exhibit these negative qualities. Well, as dire and hopeless as the situation may seem, and as much as most established institutions of the world would have us believe that humans are this diabolical creature that have to be controlled, the solution is contrary to these pseudo beliefs.

As my search continued and still continues, i have found in the higher aspects of spiritual traditions, philosophical doctrines, scientific studies and in my own observations that humans are not by nature negatively inclined. We are capable of great compassion, love, empathy and care for ourselves and others and this seems to be the normal pattern of our behavior. In the meantime, we are also capable of all sorts of cruel and negative behaviors. So what is it that brings about this negative state that we project towards ourselves and the world? No one knows concretely how the negative aspect of us started and how it spread about the way it has in the world, however it is important to know that in comparison to the destructive world that most are aware of, we know of tribes, communities and even civilizations that have been very peaceful and practically lacked any form of negative behavior towards each other and the environment. Many of these people had not even heard of crime in the way that we understand it. Some examples of these were the "League of Iroquois" in the Americas and the San Bushman tribes of Africa. There were and are other smaller groups that most don't know much about, these people live in closed nit families that display much of the peace, love and compassion that we long for these days.

Before i go into these cultures, let us examine the higher forms of of our institutional systems. When we put aside the dogmatic practices, rituals and cultural traditions of religions, we find that most spiritual teachings are based primarily around "Oneness" or a single consciousness that we are all a part of. Not only that but in reality we are all one in the realm of consciousness with the divine. This means that, it is not only that human beings that are expressions of the same divine consciousness but every living being is one with the divine. Furthermore, everything in the physical world is here with a purpose and humans are not above in terms of purpose or importance. We are merely here to experience this existence as much as any life form. Moreover, since we are an expression of the divine, we are meant to be positive and creative in our nature. So, now what makes this interesting is when we understand the new concepts of Behavioral science, Neuroscience and Psychology. So what do they all say? Well, one common pattern is pretty obvious. If our needs are met, as individuals and collective within the species then we project all those great positive behaviors such as love, compassion, care, and altruism. However, if our needs are not met, then we can behave in a defensive manner, which comes out as cruel, selfish and "inhumane". So what are these needs? These needs are, an environment that consists of Love, companionship, acceptance, respect and physical needs such as food, water and shelter.

So then, what seems to be the problem? Well, for one, our needs start when we come into this world, such as being in the womb. The problem arises when these needs are not met. We can say for certain that the majority of the people born today have gone through some form of childhood trauma. This pattern can not only be observed very clearly but is thoroughly documented in many scientific studies. The trauma can be physical, emotional or both. When we go through trauma in our childhood, unless it is dealt with, it continues on into our adult experiences in the form of subconscious programming. This subconscious programming manifests primarily in our relationships with people and our environment. This is where we see negative behavior in the subtle as the lack of care to the extreme as murder and rape. It is crucial to know that careful studies done by researchers show that there is a direct relationship between human behavior and the kind of environment we come into and raised as children. One such work is done by Dr James Gilligan who has worked with the most violent criminals the world produces for 40 years of his life and was shocked to know how much these people had been abused as children. So going back to those cultures that exhibit very little or no form of crime or negative behavior. The one thing that is common among those small or large group of people is how they treated and brought up their children. Children were seen as the most important aspect of society and as such treated with much love and acceptance. Furthermore, the environments that these children came into were natural and equal for everyone in every way.

There is much more to this topic and entire books have been written about this, however i have made my point about the cause of human behavior. It is not in our nature to be cruel, violent, competitive or any other negative behaviors that we see around us. However, if we are placed in situations where we have to experience war, abuse ( emotional or physical) at the hands of our caregivers or society (whether that is intentional or not), we will see the consequences of it in the many forms of negative behaviors that we observe.

So where do we go from here? Since most of us are traumatized into one form of negative behavior or another, how do we hope to fix this? To start with, since our nature is positive. I believe, with conscious awareness of our actions and knowledge, we can overcome much of our negative programming and behavior. Once we have healed the trauma within ourselves, we will stop spreading this trauma to our children which in turn has the potential to create drastic changes in the world that we live in.

On a bigger scale, we need to understand that policing people, putting them in jails, supporting war and violence of any kind only makes this problem worst. We need to find ways of healing people, not locking them up in violent environments. We need to say no to war, whether that be for security or otherwise. War only creates war, not peace, no matter how noble we are told the reasons are. You don't have to believe me, just read the history books. We need to strive towards a society with less stratification and more equality for all. Finally, we must keep an open mind towards new knowledge and understanding, even if they contradict our deepest beliefs. For, when we stop learning, we stop growing as individuals and as a species. 

When i was a child, there were many things that i was taught. Some i have forgotten, some i could not forget even if i wanted to. One of the lessons that i was inspired by was taught by my father. This lesson has stayed with me throughout my life and has shaped the way i look at people and the world around me.

I remember sitting with my father one day during breakfast when i was probably around 8 or 9 years old. He worked at night and my mom used to go to work early in the morning. I remember my father preparing breakfast for us everyday before my younger brother and I went to school. I don’t remember how it started, but my father raised his hand and told me that, just as we have five fingers that are not the same length, in the same manner, not every person from a community or culture is the same. He went on to explain that there are positive and negative people that are part of every social structure. We cannot judge a whole society or culture based on a few negative people that we have encountered.

At the time, i took it as one of the many things that i was taught by my parents. Over time, i saw my parents’ relationship with others and how they dealt with other people in their every day life. Their actions brought this lesson to life. This had a profound affect on me as an individual. It made me look at every person as a human being, not just a part of religion, a culture or member of a social group. It made me open up to the good in people, regardless of their culture, race or allegiance.

I share this experience with you (aside from the great lesson in it) because i have learned over the years that the home we are brought up in has great influence on how our life unfolds. Paraphrasing, Comenius, (considered the father of the modern school system), who insisted that education starts from home. Not only does education start from home, but we can say that the individuals properly educated within the family can influence the education system in the world.

Parents influence their children with many things, the strongest of which is their actions. What we teach is only the beginning. That which we teach in our conduct is more important than the words without conduct. Our actions, as parents, in our everyday life is what influences our children the most.

Are your actions in line with what you want to teach your children, or do you preach without practice?

~ Faisal Safi ~

Do you live your life based on Natural Laws or Corrupted man made laws?

Natural Laws are immutable and intelligent systems of operation within our Universe at the level of matter and energy.They cannot be avoided or ignored without consequences. These Laws govern everything, from the motion of galaxies to the operation of our physiology to the forces of invisible energies around us. In other words, every aspect of our lives internally and externally is governed by these laws. Whenever we try to avoid or ignore them, we see the consequences in our health, the corruption of society, environmental degradation, broken relationships and so on.

Man made laws are ever changing laws either based on Natural laws or created for the benefit of a few that are in a position of power and control in society. Many of these profit oriented laws are embedded in government and religious institutions. To make matters worst, they are made to appear that they are part of Natural laws or laws that are Divine. These laws are different in different classes of society and within different cultures. The more you study these laws, the more you will realize how inadequate and unnecessary they are for the operation of a cohesive society.

In order to understand the difference between Natural laws and corrupted man made laws, we have to learn to understand Nature and its operations. If we are ignorant to that, then we will always fall for someone's deception of a corrupt system.

~ Faisal Safi ~